The Imposter in the Mirror: Why Self-Love is Radical

We’ve all been there, staring at the reflection of someone who just achieved something amazing, only to hear a voice whisper, “Yeah, right. Just a fluke. They’ll see through you any minute.” That, my friend, is the imposter syndrome gremlin, the one that thrives on chipping away at our self-worth. I felt it just the other week, when giving a live talk about self love at the company I work for. Even after all this time. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see someone with a masters degree in clinical counseling and years of experience in the mental health field. I saw an imposter who was afraid that others would see how flawed I was, how much I didn’t have figured out, and how I wasn’t good enough to successfully fulfill this opportunity that was offered me.

I remember way back in 2004, it felt like a constant companion during a time when everything felt like it was burning down into hot ash. It seems like so long ago, but I remember. My body remembers. An abusive marriage and divorce, a newborn daughter, financial destitution, and the crushing weight of paralyzing anxiety and depression – it was a recipe for feeling utterly worthless. Society’s whispers didn’t help – navigating the welfare system felt like being judged at every turn, another reinforcement of the idea that I wasn’t good enough.

But here’s the thing about hitting a “rock bottom”: sometimes, it changes your world. Looking into my daughter’s eyes, I knew her worth and I knew I had to fight for a better life, not just for her, but for myself. That’s when the journey of self-love began for me. And self love is the most rebellious act you can take in a world that thrives on self-criticism, perfectionism, and consumerism.

It was anything but easy to get from there to here. Therapy became a lifeline, school a path to empowerment. There were days when getting out of bed felt like scaling a mountain, but something deep within me clung to the belief that we deserved better.

Self-love is radical because it challenges and subverts the status quo. It’s about:
Unconditional Compassion: We all stumble, but especially after what you’ve been through. Self-love is treating yourself with the same kindness and acceptance you’d offer your infant child.
Silencing the Doubts: Those negative thoughts? We can rewrite them with affirmations that celebrate your strength and resilience.

Prioritizing Self-Care: It’s not a luxury, it’s essential. A heart overflowing with self-love can also better nurture those you love.

Self-love is a journey, not a destination. It’s about embracing all of yourself, the scars and the triumphs. Imagine a world where self-love is the norm. How would you treat yourself differently? How would you feel about the world around you?

Let’s spark a revolution, a revolution of self-love. Here are some ways to ignite your own flame:
Practice Gratitude: Every day, find something, big or small, to appreciate about yourself. You survived. You fought. You are strong. You did it.

Set Boundaries: It’s more than okay, it’s critical to be able to say “no” to protect your energy and well-being. You deserve space to rest, restore, heal. Just to be is enough. Stop adding more when you know you are already at your limit.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Catch yourself in the act and stop talking to yourself with disrespect, cruelty, and criticism. It’s abusive. It is your responsibility to be kind, encouraging, loving, compassionate to yourself as you are your best ally. Replace those abusive thoughts with affirmations. “I am worthy. I am strong. I am loved. I fully accept myself exactly as I am at this moment.”

Embrace Self-Care: Find activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. You are not here to give give give to others, to work, to be in a constant state of overwhelm. Take a long bath, a nap, read a book, meditate, pray, spend time in nature – whatever fills your cup.

Remember, you are a warrior. You are a survivor. You are worthy. You are loved. You are enough, just as you are. Start today, with a kind word, a hug, or a moment of self-care. Let self-love be your guiding light.
When things get really difficult, or you feel lost, the first step forward is to pour love into yourself.

ENGAGE: Create Your Own Compassion Shield
We carry our wallets and purses everywhere. Let them hold a reminder of your worth too!
The revolution is from the inside out. Here’s your call to action: Create a compassion card, a tiny shield against self-doubt, insecurity and negative thoughts when you are swimming close to your “bottom.”
Grab a card or piece of paper.

Write down 3 acts of compassion, acceptance, or forgiveness you can offer yourself during tough times. Here are some ideas, tailored to your experience:
“I forgive myself for the choices I made when I was struggling. I did the best I could with what I had.”
“I am a survivor of abuse and depression. I am strong and resilient, and I am worthy of love.”
“Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. I will be kind to myself and take things one step at a time.”
Decorate your card with anything that inspires you – a picture of yourself, a symbol of strength, a word like “warrior” or “worthy.”

Keep your card somewhere easily accessible, like your wallet or purse.
When doubt creeps in, pull out your card and reread your affirmations. This small act can be a powerful reminder of your inherent worth and the strength that lies within.

Join the revolution. Embrace self-love. You are worthy.